"Come on feel the noise! Girls rock your boys!.......I don't know why, I don't know why!.......Anymore....O no...O!..So you say I got a funny face? I got no worries!....Come on feel the noise!"

"Dude, you suck. You suck at life!" Yelled a young boy out of the back of his mom’s mini-van while he laughed a laugh so pure it could've only originated from the depths of his soul. His mom turned around and gave him a high five before accelerating to a speed of 10 mph, forcing bio-fuel fumes into the window of the American idol want-a-be in the car to her left.

Fabian stopped singing immediately. He slowly rolled though the intersection with his head frozen and eyes fixed right in front of the hood. He thought no one would see him if stared directly forward. But it was too late. He was driving through a school zone at 3:05 pm and hundreds of middle schoolers swarmed the sidewalk and street. Kids were rolling on the grass, stomachs aching with laughter. One young girl even threw her leftover egg salad sandwich at Fabians orange VW.

Fabian held his breath. He imagined himself invisible and secretly scorned himself for not bidding on the invisible cloak he found on eBay last week. He kept his attention on the road as he nervously felt his way up the door panel, frantically trying to roll his window up to create a force field between him and the chuckling children. Earlier, his morning run had been a disaster. He decided to try a new pair of running shorts Hoss recommended to him. The shorts had no liner. The chaffing burning up his inner thighs was not helping the situation.

Fabian was late for dinner at Hoss, his best friends house. He never missed his 3rd meal at the Friendly household. Jaala Friendly, Hoss's beautiful wife always had dinner ready. She was like precision Swiss timing, exact with her schedule. Fabian normally beat Hoss to his house but today he was running late. A heated conversation in the official 'Magic the Gathering' chat room had held him up longer than its usual 2 hour duration.

Jaala always commented to Hoss that at some time or another she cooked for every runner in their community. Her statement had more truth than not seeing how a normal night would typically bring around 10 house guests. Hoss spent his days pretending he was busier than he actually was. This made him inherently late for supper and agitated Jaala to no end because while her husband was picking up pieces of scrap mondo and timing warm-up laps, she was entertaining a real-life chat room which always included Fabian.

This fall evening was different. Perhaps it was the celebrity gossip magazines "Jay" (as she was called by her close girlfriends) read that day or maybe it was the blue nail polish she decided to go with instead of her usual red during her morning manicure sesh, but tonight when Hoss pulled into the drive the familiar aroma of dinner didn't great him. He ran to the front door faster than his supposed 10.9 hundy pr, preparing himself for the worst.

When he swung the door open his fears had been confirmed. Fabian sat, cross legged on the kitchen floor, weeping hysterically. Jaala towered above him, casting a wicked shadow across the linoleum that ended where Hoss‘s baby-like feet began. Today was the birthday of Ron Weasley and when Fabian told Jay to bake a pumpkin cake she reached her tipping point. No more dinners she decided.

A microwave gave the annoying, "turn contents" beep that everyone ignores, in the kitchen corner.

Hoss, sensing the situation was only about to escalate, tried to use HTML code in a conversation with Fabian so Jay wouldn't understand. He was mistaken. After hearing HTML code talk for countless years Jay had deciphered it, never revealing her secret. Until now-

Hoss and Fabian looked at each other with that guilty look only two caught conspirators can give after Jay intercepted their negotiations.

"Beep!" The microwave had finished. It had also distracted Jay before she kicked Fabians ass then Hoss's.

She removed the contents, a TV dinner, slowly cutting out the undercooked desert. She threw it at Fabian. His tears once again flowed.

"There's your cake, SON!" She screamed as she stormed out of the kichen. Hoss collapsed to the floor and embraced Fabian, who had started to nibble on a piece of cake that had landed on his chin...